Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
