Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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