i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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