Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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