in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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