haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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