Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
