you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
