grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
