I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ttyl tear gas
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
