did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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