so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
