Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
