Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
