tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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