I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
