i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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