thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
