Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
