You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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