He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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