I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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