I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
