It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish you could order shots online.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
