Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
