Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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