but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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