Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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