I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
