He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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