I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Two words: nipple clamps
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