I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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