Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
