i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
