i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
