You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
