Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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