Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
