i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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