Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
