She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
