I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
