I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
