Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
