my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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