She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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