Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
