Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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