those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
