How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
