i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this boner is exhausting
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
