I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
