So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
