Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At least make sure they are 18
Why
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
