Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
